A Letter to my Husband

To my husband,

This is a letter from me to say thank you and that I love you. I am constantly aware with the daily pressures of life and a demanding and head strong toddler that I don’t say thank you or I love you nearly enough, if at all. I often list all the things I wish you did and the things I think you’ve got wrong but I never tell you all the things you get right. And there are so many things you get right.

Thank you for your half of the genetic code that made our son. He has our best (and worst) features and that makes him uniquely ours. Thank you for encouraging me to keep trying for a baby when all I wanted to do was give up. Thank you for loving me through everything, even when I’m weird. Thank you for looking after our money, paying the bills, organising wonderful holidays. I can’t do any of that stuff. It makes my brain hurt and I just don’t have the patience. Thank you for fixing things when I break them out of frustration. Thank you for always picking up the phone so I can rant about something that has upset me. Thank you for buying me wine, sweets and chocolate after a challenging day.

Thank you for being a terrific Daddy to our little boy. One of my favourite things to do is to watch you and him together. There is no one else that can rap ‘Little Blue Truck’ or plan a day out for our little family like you can. My heart swells with love when I watch you proudly present the plan for our family day out, knowing that our son will love every minute of it. Thank you for swooping in like a superhero distracting our son before I am about to lose my cool. He adores his Daddy and rightly so. Thank you for indulging me in my ideas on how to parent our son especially when they seem a little ludicrous. Thank you for co-parenting in a way that suits our little family even when you have to lie next to our toddler singing for hours before he finally succumbs to sleep. Then only for him to wake up a few hours later requesting to sleep next to you again and stealing all the space in the bed. Thank you for your excitement when our son practices using his new words to explain what he did during his day.

Thank you for being proud of me and telling everyone you meet about our website. Thank you for the encouragement, the proof reading, the formatting, rearranging of layout, the support you provide to make this work for me and my sister. Thank you for believing in us.

I am sorry for taking all my stresses, anxieties, insecurities, loneliness, frustrations, tiredness and worries out on you. I am sorry for being ‘difficult’ and short tempered when you get in from a busy day at work. I am guilty of being an expert score keeper, holding onto a grudge longer than is really necessary and being so wrapped up in my own perspective that I often forget yours. We are both exhausted but I often forget that you are too. I know that I can unload a torrent of emotions and rants and then feel let down when you don’t respond the way I want. I do this because you are my best friend, my safe space and let’s be honest no one else would put up with it. You know me better than anyone else. You know when to make me laugh, give me a cuddle or simply leave me alone. You’ve seen me at my lowest, my most vulnerable and you got me through the other side. Our marriage hasn’t been the fairy tale you see in Hollywood films. No one warns you how difficult being a real grown up can be but I’ve always known that you’ll be there for me with a wink, cuddle and a reassuring “it will be ok.” We’ve got through the trickiest of times and that is something to celebrate. I know that there will probably be more difficult times ahead but it’s reassuring to know that we will face it together.

So, let’s say it again: I love you and thank you for travelling with me on this haphazard, traumatic, magical journey that is being a grown up and a parent.

With all my love,

Your wife for better and worse, Isabell xxxx